OK, so what does it mean to embrace your desires? Fair question. I’m not talking woo woo unicorns and rainbows here. I happen to like rainbows and unicorns but I understand that’s not for everyone. However, honoring your desires and what’s inside your heart + soul IS FOR EVERYONE including you.
I’m talking about real life here. Your life and what you want to be experiencing that you are not currently. This is not to assume you are totally unfulfilled, unhappy or lost but certainly you may feel any of those or all of them when you aren’t connecting and honoring what’s in your soul or who you are. Maybe you feel like there’s a missing piece?
This was me most of my life. I was an expert at choosing things that were kind* of related to what I wanted but I never believed I could have what I ACTUALLY wanted. And guess what? Surprise! I didn’t get what I wanted and always felt something was missing. Not only that but I got super excellent at convincing myself that it was OK. Always wishing I was somewhere else or that my grass was greener. Well of course your grass isn’t going to be green if you are not watering the whole thing. There were my computer programming days, my time on stage and my Pilates Instructor decade. These were all fine. Yep FINE. (FINE - FULLY INSIDE + NOT EXPRESSED). Getting what I really wanted was not a choice on my menu. I simply was not allowed.
Honoring our desires is connecting with the deepest parts of us that know what we want. It’s not something we need to think too deeply about but rather just allow the thoughts, feelings and words to surface so we may dare to listen, be willing to get it wrong and say YES, I’m allowed to want or BE this. Saying yes and declaring it to yourself and others is the permission slip for alignment with exactly what you want. It’s like getting on the right bus. We know the permission slip is truly signed when we can FEEL what it would be like to have our desire fulfilled. There are so many things that keep us from embodying our own YES and this is what I work on frequently with my clients. Getting to the WANT under the WANT and revealing the brilliance that’s inside all of us so that we may receive it.
Think about when you are your most passionate, powerful and ALIVE version of yourself and that’s what you want to turn up the volume on. Is it dining on your favorite meal, red lipstick, yoga, singing, rolling in the dirt, hugging, meeting new people, laughing with friends, writing, baking, poetry, painting, swimming in the ocean, feeding the homeless. Whatever puts in you in alignment with…well….yourself.
It’s not always so easy and it is a process. Fear, overwhelm, self doubt and all the disempowering states sneak in so it’s incredibly important to be able to step back and keep perspective or create a whole new one. These are terrifying(yet SURVIVABLE) emotions that make us feel like we are going to die if we keep going outside the bounds. The voices that tell us all the reasons it won’t work, we don’t deserve it or it’s simply too big for us. It’s impossible to truly move forward from these states so doing things from our ALIVE list is crucial.
Desire can pertain to our professional life, money, health, our bodies, relationships or ANYTHING we want to be experiencing. Sometimes we don’t even know exactly what we want at first because we’re so wrapped up in the fear, our perceived reality and what’s NOT possible for us, we can’t imagine taking action and there we are….what’s the word….stuck?
If you feel this way, you are not alone and this is part of the process and the magic of the journey. This is where we learn, where breakthroughs happen and where we get to choose our path.
Feeling stuck is a gift and opportunity if you let it be.
We stay where we are safe, where we belong and where there’s love. These are all great. Vital really. We all want to feel safe, belong and feel loved from day one. But what if I told you these also were the things that get in the way and bungee cord us back, keeping our desires out of reach and doors closed to us. It can feel like an “either-or thing” where we’re trading love, safety and belonging for what we really want.
And THAT is scary.
Not to mention feeling SELFISH! The feeling we might have to lose something or someone else we love may have to lose something for us to get what we want is enough to have us look around, declare we were just kidding and stuff our desires into a deep abyss inside us where we hope we won’t hear from them ever again. What was I thinking? Who was I to think I could shine so bright?
The perfect example is the sick wife who is afraid her husband will leave her if she gets healthy so she makes sure she never does despite a long list of efforts. (Who would she be if she lost her husband?). Or the woman who won’t lose weight permanently because she won’t have anything in common with her sister who she emotional eats and shops with. (The thought of leaving her sister behind is way too painful so she stays overweight in devotion). Or the mom who is afraid she’ll be taking away from her kids if she follows her heart’s work and passions so she never tries or never plays full out (That one is mine ….was mine). There are tightly stitched threads that keep us running in place. We have the power to keep the threads knitted tightly and we also have the power to loosen them.
What are we REALLY saying when we say no to ourselves ignoring our desires and what kinds of feelings do these following statements create in our body?
You can’t have what you want.
Don’t dare ask.
You are not worth it .
You don’t deserve it.
You didn’t earn it.
It’s not your time.
Other people are more important and get what they want but not you.
NO Feelings: Disappointment, Resentment, Self Loathing, Shame, Smallness, disempowerment
What are we really saying when we say YES to ourselves and what kinds of feelings do the following statements create in our body?
You are worth it.
You deserve it.
You CAN have what you want.
I love you.
It is your time.
YES Feelings: Excitement, Empowerment , Happiness, Fulfillment, Love, Trust, Deserving
Which set of feelings do you think allows for more alignment, healthy cells, healthy organs, healthy bodies, healthy outlooks, healthy lives and a healthy world?
Forget what you SHOULD want, what’s practical, sounds good, makes others comfortable, makes mom proud or even makes sense. The BEST desires in life often makes NO SENSE to anyone but you. These are usually the big impossible ones that make your voice shake, require leaps, risks and a whole lot of faith and TRUST. If you want to run for the hills then you are on the right track! And it doesn’t have to be big. Small changes produce big results. In fact fulfilling small desires on a regular basis is life changing. More rest, regular relaxation and a good breakfast everyday. Anything you want to be doing or experiencing that you are not. There is no empowered action too small. Connect with yourself every day and unapologetically ask:
What is it that that I want?
What do I want more or less of?
What inside me wants to be expressed? Why is this important to me?
What is something that I want to be doing for myself that I’m not?
This is the first part to creating transformation in your body and life. Of course there’s a lot more but it starts with declaring WHAT YOU WANT.
Write it down. Express it on paper. Say it out loud. BE Honest. BE Bold. See it. Share it. Honor it. Roll around with it. Enjoy the journey and believe everything comes when we are ready and at the perfect time.
In the words of the late Wayne Dyer: “Don’t Die with your music still in you”
Sign up below for a complimentary 30 minute strategy session with Nanci focusing on what you may be stopping you are slowing you down from honoring YOUR desires.